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Why we need to talk to our kids about practise!

We all agree that practise is important to achieve mastery in any skill. Nobody who wants to master a skill can escape it and no one who wants to maintain their current level can avoid it. Whilst the importance of practise is obvious to us parents, I find that we don't make it very obvious to our children. The problem with this is if children fail to attribute their improvements to practise then they inevitably become reluctant to practise as they get older. Why? Because practise is tough, it takes diligence, patience, and self-motivation. Without realising the huge benefit that awaits you, it is very difficult to keep up with practise. 

We therefore owe it to our kids to help them understand what practise is, and how important it is for life-long learning. 
 
If your kids are anything like mine or the numerous kids I've taught over the years, you'll know that they hardly ever attribute any of their success to the practise and dedication they've put in. The usual response to, 'how did you get so good at this?' is 'I just am'. As cute as that is, it becomes a problem when they don't realise that effort and dedication pays off. 

As parents we tend to make our children practise without intentionally linking the benefits of improved performance to the time and effort they've put in. For instance, when your child recites a poem off by heart, or plays a tune on their musical instrument, parents tend to praise children for their achievement, BUT a lot of the times we miss a vital opportunity to remind them of how much they practised, the times they got it wrong, the tears, the tantrums, the mistakes, failures, the hours, the feelings of 'I will never be able to do it! We should instead be congratulating them for their efforts and reminding them of how far they've come. 

Our children need to know that regardless of talent, they can achieve success through sheer determination - through practise! Only then will they be motivated to persist when it gets tough. 
Children need to know that they do not need to be talented at something to become excellent at it!
In my career in education, I have had the privilege of teaching pupils from age 4 - 18. Children who understand the importance of practise to achieve success waste no time relying just on their talent or mulling over poor performance. They know that poor performance can be improved with practise! So, I never miss an opportunity to say to my students and to my kids, 'You are amazing, you practised so hard for this and now look at you!'

However, how we go about talking to our kids about practise is crucial! Telling them repeatedly that they need to practise is enough to put them off completely. Instead, here are some ways you can encourage them to want to practise.

1. Agree on a plan together of how long each practise session will be and what it will entail. As you know, children are more likely to get on board when they are not forced. Deciding with them helps you understand their level of commitment and tells them that you trust them to make decisions regarding their own learning journey. Also, practise should be  a deliberate effort to improve one's skill, so it's important that the plan you agree on actually leads to sufficient challenge and growth. 

2. Continuously link their improved performance to the practise they've put in. This should not only be done in the area of sports, music, or drama, where we typically remember to do so, but crucially in Maths, Science, cooking, showing kindness to a sibling, tidying their room. A loving reminder that since they started practising saying please, sorry and thank you, they are much more polite than they used to be, teaches them about practise too. The feel good factor encourages them to want to keep practising other skills.

 3. Make practise normal! You do this by practising regularly. I often say to parents, 'Make learning normal'. This removes the feeling of it being a big event they have to prepare for. Regular 20 min practise, 3 days a week goes a long way and is more likely to result in the improvements you want than 1 hour one day a week. Also, talk about normal things they do regularly and refer to them as practise. 
Rather than say to my kids, 'have you done your homework?', I tend to say, have you practised your Maths yet?' or 'How's your writing practise coming along?'

4. Let them Practise Independently. There is very little that puts a child off learning than an adult that won't leave them to explore for themselves. Once you've followed the first three points, you really should trust your children to be able to take ownership of their own learning and practise by themselves regardless of age. We should be there to show support and acknowledge their efforts, but largely we must give them the space to practise on their own. Avoid constantly correcting and questioning them too. We should be there to show support for their learning not criticism for the mistakes they will inevitably make. 

I usually check in after our agreed time slot to say, how was your practise? If the answer is that they missed it then it is time for a conversation about the importance of sticking to agreements and a possible re-jigging of the plan. 

In summary,

We want our children to understand the importance of practise in making small improvements and in reaching mastery. We want them to attribute their success not to talent or some other intangible measure that they feel they have no control over because this does not encourage persistence or to try harder differently when they hit a wall. We want them to know that they can work towards achieving goals of improved performance or high achievement. 

Remember, 


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