Keep Calm, I'm trying to Learn!

Patience is a virtue! One that I seem to lack in most areas of my life except when I am learning with my kids. I have always wondered how am I able to exercise patience when learning with kids but hardly in any other areas of my life! So, I decided to study this and what I discovered might help you understand why you are impatient with your little one (when it comes to learning) and how you can learn to curb your frustration and make learning a more enjoyable experience for you and them.

Remember, children can feel, sense, hear our frustration and this creates a tension that puts them off learning and stops them making the progress that we would like. 

Join the conversation here Help your Child Love Learning and follow for tips, advice and videos 

SO HOW DO WE LEARN TO BE PATIENT WHEN HELPING OUR CHILDREN LEARN? 

1. Change your assumptions and expectations! 

When I look at areas in my life where I am most impatient, I can see instantly that it is because I have made assumptions about the person or issue and my expectations have not been met. We show frustration when we think they should know better. This is absolutely normal! Of course I will have more patience for my child learning to ride a bike than a road cyclist that cuts in front of my car. 

So if we are frustrated with a child we are helping learn, it must mean that they are not meeting our expectations or those set by their peers, or by society and so we put that burden on them! On the contrary, I begin a session trying to find out where the child is and help them get to the next step (not the top of the stairs, but the next step ) and the next and so on.

1. 2. Little and often, not all at once!

I don't think I can stress this enough. To help ease the child into a new concept it is always best to start early, go slow and practise regularly! Start when it doesn't really matter because at this time there is usually very little pressure to perform. In other words, start way before the deadline or before you think it is crucial for them to have mastered that skill. Start as soon as they show an interest or when you find a link to something they are interested in AND you must be prepared to go slowly (or at the child's pace, whichever is slower). Starting a lesson on money could be as simple as allowing them collect the change from the cashier without counting or identifying the coins. Very little! And then repeat often, perhaps every other day until it sticks. 

3. Focus on the process and not the end goal.

This is also very important. You should think of their learning as a life-long process. A marathon, not a sprint. They will not get it all at once. There is so much to learn in life and the things we learn best are the ones we study ourselves. By this I mean, it is only when we sit by ourselves and really delve into a topic do we greatly increase our understanding of it. So it is important to help the child enjoy the process of learning so that they are motivated to do the self study. Let it come from the child rather than you dictating what will be learnt, how long for and what will be achieved. Celebrate small improvements. The children at Learn Tree will tell you about my over the top celebrations every time some progress is made. Keep a positive atmosphere around learning and make it a normal part of life. 

4. Be positive about the outcome.

As long as you are devoting some time regularly to learning a topic or subject, be positive that there is an impact being made and you will see this in the future. A lot of times we worry that nothing is happening. The light is switched off. We want to see instant results and so when we don't see them we panic. This fear and panic is what increases our impatience. In truth, something is going in, the child is trying to make sense of it. Stay positive and give it time and one day, with most things, one day the fruits will show. You know, plant a seed-water-wait-water-wait....you know! Don't try and uproot it all before the flowers begin to blossom. (See other blog post)

5. See it as your role to help them learn...not to teach them

This may sound contradictory but I've found this so helpful in my quest to help children learn. (I'm going to talk about gems a lot now). Rather than see myself as the gem keeper whose job it is to pour these gems of knowledge down the children's throats, I imagine that all children have gems of knowledge in them or the ability to learn and it is my duty to help them draw it out. Think about it, it is much easier for me to hold a child's head back and pour these gems into their mouth, but highly uncomfortable for them. However, if I see my role as having to draw these gems out then I have to rethink my whole strategy: I have to work with them. They have to be willing to release the gems they are holding inside. I have to teach them how to do it. I have to create the environment, nurture and encourage them until they feel confident enough to share that gem with me. I have to encourage them, be patient and positive for them to feel safe. This way of thinking makes me approach teaching differently. It is my job to help you learn, not to teach you the subject!

6. Take your pride out of it 

We may not realise it but our pride, more often than not, gets in the way. To put it simply, do not assume that your wonderful way of delivering will automatically be lapped up by your little one. If they are not getting it it usually means they are not ready, you are not explaining it well enough, or you are not explaining it well enough 😀. Don't get mad, just change your method, change the time of day you teach (if you can), change the atmosphere, change something, change everything.  Just remember, if they don't get it, then it is not enough for you to say you taught them!

I am sure that there are more points you can add to this list, just think of areas of your life where you are incredibly patient, study why you are able to remain calm and try and apply that when helping your child. That simple! 😀