How do I Motivate my Child to want to Learn?

This is the question I'm asked most often by parents of school aged children. Some parents tell me they feel helpless and have resigned themselves to the fact that they can't motivate their children to learn. Others I've spoken to have concluded that a teacher or a coach is best placed to motivate their children because that is their job. The general feeling I get from parents on this issue is one of frustration, but always, I see a strong desire in parents to know how to motivate their children to learn. In this article I'll share simple ways you can start to motivate your child to want to learn. After writing the article, I decided to ask my 9yo a question I've never asked him before, 'How does mummy motivate you to want to learn?' I share his answer here too...

First let's deal with our thinking...

1. CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

• To do so you must realise and remind yourself of these two truths: 1. Children are naturally curious and want to learn. 2. Parents are the best placed to motivate children to keep learning.  

Truth 1: Children want to learn! Since this is true, it makes you think that if they are unmotivated to learn, there must be a reason and I must try to help them regain that desire to learn. This thinking changes your approach from frustrated parent to nurturing parent who realises there is a disconnect between the child's innate desire to learn and their current actions (or inaction). It moves from being a battle between parent and child to a team effort to find the reason(s) together and solve the problem.  The reasons could be as simply as the child being tired or they might just be uninterested or overwhelmed by the subject. It could be a range of reasons. Finding out the reason(s) could take time and would require patience and lots of listening. However, depending on the seriousness of the reason, motivating them to learn again can be quite straightforward because Children want to Learn!

Truth 2: Parents are best placed to motivate their children! Again, believing this truth makes you think of ways to make it a reality if it isn't currently the case. Whilst I agree that teachers/coaches play a big role in motivating children, I strongly believe that parents have a huge advantage. This is because you know your children the best - you know their likes and dislikes, you are aware of their life circumstances and you have a personal relationship with them - you love them and they love you! The teacher/coach on the other hand will have to learn all these things about your child in order to achieve the desired results. And, whilst it is true that children are more likely to put up a resistance when learning with parents than with teachers/coaches, this too could put you at an advantage because you have a chance to get to the root of the issue and start to make lasting changes. The teacher on the other hand may assume your child is fine because there is no resistance and so they end up coasting along. 

So changing our thinking allows us approach motivating our children with a completely different mindset. It makes us more confident, more patient, more creative, more relaxed and in a better place to motivate our children 

2. THINK ABOUT YOUR MOTIVATIONS

• What is driving your desire to motivate them to want to learn? If we are driven by fear or worry then this could cause us as parents to approach them with impatience and frustration. We end up describing to them (sometimes exaggerating) the dangers of not learning instead of the life-long benefits of learning. Fear is a short term motivator at best, for life-long changes we should motivate them with love. 

Now we can deal with our actions...

EXPLAIN WHY IT IS IMPORTANT

• Children need to understand the why. They are constantly asking, What's in it for me? Why do I need to do this, What is it for? These are valid questions that need to be answered clearly, honestly and repeatedly. Our answers must be relatable and relevant. These are answers that are linked to something the child fully understands. They help the child make connections between what you'd like them to do and the outcomes. They are also easier to remember because they feel familiar. Importantly, our reasons should point to the long-term benefits of learning, not a fixed goal like exam performance. Also avoid answer like 'because you have to'. Such answers would only result in short term reluctant conformity

LISTEN TO WHY THEY ARE NOT MOTIVATED

I teach teenagers and I get this a lot about just not feeling motivated to work when there are many other fun distractions. The first thing I say is 'I totally get it. Right now, it makes no sense to work hard, but you are not working for right now, you are setting yourself up for the future'. We can only begin to have a meaningful impact in a child's life when we really listen to what they are saying and not saying.

SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE 

Go back to instances or a time in your life where you were not motivated to learn and try to understand why this was the case. On the flip side, you could try to understand what motivated you to learn and help them see what changed for you. Your act of reflection makes it easier for you to empathise with your child, at the same time allowing the child see you as 'normal' like them.

HELP THEM BREAK TASKS INTO MANAGEABLE CHUNKS so they feel in control and not overwhelmed. It needs to be realistic and they need to feel that they can do it if you want them to be motivated to start.

PRAISE THEIR EFFORTS AND PROGRESS as they go along as this spurs them on. Don't wait to praise them after the task is complete or you'll need to start the whole process of motivation again. 

SHOW THEM HOW IT'S DONE THROUGH MODELLING I love to involve my kids in the mundane and fun work I do. I tell them what I need to do and why I need to do it. Sometimes I explain why I don't want to do it, but will do it because of the greater benefit at the end. They see me do it and it helps them in times they are not so sure why they need to learn.

MAKE TASKS CHALLENGING AND FUN It is no surprise that children, just like adults are more motivated when the task is fun and challenging in the right measure. However, it isn't always possible to make tasks fun and that's why I've left this point to last so that you know that whilst this is hugely important, there are many other ways you can motivate your children to want to learn when the topic is, well.... dry. I find that focusing on their character is always a better way to motivate children, developing a learner's attitude can be applied in whatever they are learning.

And for your patience, here is the answer my 9yo gave me:

"Well, you make it fun which is good and when we get something wrong you're patient and you erm, don't go strict and tell us off and tell us the answer. And also you make it challenging, so I like what you do is you make it 'fun hard' but it's more fun than hard, but also challenging as well. So that's good. But then you don't force us to do the work, you let us have time but say if we need to do the work you tell us that maybe you'll do it with us or we can do little chunks of it. So yeah"

I found his answer very insightful. It goes without saying, I think we all need to ask our kids from time to time these questions so we keep moving in the right direction.